Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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