her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
