i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Operation Purity has been aborted
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
