cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
