tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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