So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
