He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
