just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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