Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
