wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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