I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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