I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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