Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm like, not good at living.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
