i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
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