she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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