You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
