Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
