i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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