I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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