my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
