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• (775): View more from Nevada

  This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me

  (310): View more from California

  maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA

  Fav 1 2201 975

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.

  Fav 2 1742 1124

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.

  Fav 3 827 614

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• (631): View more from New York

  Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?

  Fav 6 1546 820

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.

  Fav 4 1095 623

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?

  Fav 3 670 390

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• (850): View more from Florida

  Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.

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• (912): View more from Georgia

  I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.

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