my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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