I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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