For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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