oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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