people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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