i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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