dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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