He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
