Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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