Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
