I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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