his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
