My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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