I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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