"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
