The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
