YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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