1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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