i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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