Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
