We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
