like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
