my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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