My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
