It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We got so high we made milksteak
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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