lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
