We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
