I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
