i think my mom watched the whole time
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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