She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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